I wonder if I will have any free time to even start this. It seems as though my life missed a couple of exits and took the wrong one. Getting back on the highway seems complicated. However, good or bad, this kind of shit seems to happen every two years and every time I sailed through pretty well and I will get out of this one too. Well whatever it is, the whole thing can be described as nothing but a shithole and I need to climb out of it. For now though, my course work is keeping me busy and all the GPU stuff is a lot more exciting than expected.

Whenever I get into some situation, I always find the song that accurately describes that situation. Today was no exception, Megadeth nailed it this time with their song “The Hardest Part of Letting Go…Sealed With a Kiss” from their latest album “Endgame”. I only heard the song a couple of times and I never concentrated on the lyrics, but on a lonely drive from STL to Rolla the lyrics sparked reminiscence. As I was humming the lyrics trying to follow the song, It felt as though I was narrating my own story. I burst into laughter thinking of what kind of mess I got myself into. Just the thought of the transition from “Moby – Where you end” to “Megadeth – The Hardest Part of Letting Go…Sealed With a Kiss” cracks me up. If any of this seems confusing, reading the lyrics of both the songs and then comparing should do the job.

Here is a small excerpt from today’s song of the day:

But I learned long ago
If you love someone you have to let it go
Let it go, Let it go
The hardest part of letting go is saying
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

But I learned today. :)

@Vik: I won’t bitch about it anymore ;)

1. Transblack FINAL v1, Visual Style for Vista.
2. Darkwood wallpaper pack
3. VistaGlazz, for patching Vista theme files which enables custom themes.
4. SimpleX 0.33, Winamp skin. (“Wow! Its really dark!” Color theme)

Also if you are feeling “I want something more sexier!”, you can try this winamp skin, just make sure you enable Desktop Alpha Bending in Winamp reflexion by ~sXnc | See the Last 2 images in the gallery.

After 3 hours of exhaustive writing, my right hand started quivering in pain. Never had I put so much hatred into the paper. Every sentence in that paper is something I would never do. Then I started thinking what is the use of the exam I just wrote? Well, nothing, it just made me want to drive more, rip on the engine a lot more and to never let the engines rev less than 4K RPM. Yes some of you may disagree, so heres something for you _|_ ;)

Cartman: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about “protectin’ the earth” and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets – I hate ‘em! I wanna kick ‘em in the nuts!

tHeSiD: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about “protectin’ the earth” and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets – I hate ‘em! I wanna kick ‘em in the nuts!

Yes, I know, its like the Porsche 911, same design over and over again! but its new!! :P

Cartman: You guys! I got it! It seriously! It’s the greatest picture ever! Oh my God!
Stan: What’cha do to Butters this time?
Cartman: Ihit was genius! I waited ’til he was totally asleep, right? And then I got my camera, and I pulled down his pants, and then I took a picture of his wiener in my mouth!
Kyle: Dude!
Cartman: IknowIknow, check it out, look. I got his whole wiener in my mouth, see? Heheh. Oh man, I got him good!
Stan: Dude, how is putting Butters’ wiener in his mouth getting him?
Cartman: Because that makes Butters gay now!

When we love something and we can’t get it, we are in a bad situation. There are many reasons why we can’t get what we want, maybe it is with someone else or it is just not possible to get it coz of the million factors involved in the getting it. Whatever the reason, it is time we realize.

I was literally crumpling. I had no idea why, I couldn’t get my thoughts together, what I wanted to do, what I had to do, all that. I was completely messed up.

One night, I was discussing all that with Virat, and was telling him how messed up I was. Then all of a sudden a hippie friend of mine (a good guy, but annoying) started his normal routine of pissing me off by pleading me to death until I fulfilled his request. I was bummed already, and above that, the hippie keeps pestering me. Then after all this Vik realized I became too soft, I wasn’t the Cartman I was before and that I am being too kind and too nice to people. I was shocked myself when I realized that it was the truth. I became too soft.

He then started to tease me, by putting up status messages like “Cartman the new Hippie Slave!!!”, funny chat that was. It was the moment that a switch in me flicked and the Cartman in me woke up again. Then its that feeling of realizing how stupid you have been all the time, that you didn’t deserve to be in the situation you were in. Everything came back. I never believed in people changing in instants, but, that moment proved that I was wrong. My whole mindset changed, I was more rational than emotional, more cunning than naïve. Not actually a change, but being back to what I am!

The next day onwards everything was different, I felt like was one pedestal over everyone, that egoistic feel was amazing. I am back on track and the Cartman-ish feeling is great. The whole reason I was messed up became my main objective, sort of. I’m enjoying every second of it. I can’t stop smiling, at all, even if I’m surrounded by people, whenever I think about what I’ve decided to do, that evil smile comes up on my face and its not controllable. Even when I’m writing this, I’m smiling. I’m now so confident, I didn’t rewrite a single word of this blog, this is a continuous write, no going back and checking for if I was wrong and all. Its all proof I need to believe I’m stronger.

Cartman:God has told me how to make 10 million dollars!
Stan:how?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: I’m not being part of any faggy boy band.
Cartman: Theres nothing faggy about 10 million dollars, asshole.

I’m saying:
You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all
Why did you go there?

She lost her mind
Someone kicked her into the back of the line
She lost her head

I’m thinking:
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny

Without my knowledge, this has become a routine, it keeps looping in my life. Only A few know what I am talking about, what the exact case is. But the whole situation has left me confused. I cant end it coz I’m having fun, at the same time the misery rather confusion I’m in, is making me think otherwise. One thing I can say for sure though, I never thought so much about anything in my entire life.

Well this is what my conversation with Arvind would be like, just replace pubes with SMPS. If he were here in this country right now I would have organized my own Chili Con Carnival made a pony bite off his weiner.

Pic of flowers @ Jantar Mantar, New Delhi.
Click on download on the deviantART page for the full resolution (7.1MP version) ;)

EDIT
Virat: what happened to the days when we used to sit on our systems 24/7 and play games and do a lot of downloading?

Me n him really miss those days :D